The Best Present
by Rokulare
Summary: Vendetta takes another vacation, valentines are made for no explained reason, and Mr. Milk is nervous. Ms. Minty x Mr. Milk


**This will probably make more sense if you've watched the Toupee episode.**

* * *

Mr. Milk wakes up.

Actually, he woke up hours ago. It would be more proper to say that his brain woke up. At any rate, his brain wakes up and he finds himself wondering what he's doing in this unfamiliar place.

Ah, it's just the classroom.

Maggie is staring out the window aimlessly. Meanwhile, Marvin is doodling hearts. Marion is looking around nervously, fidgeting in her seat. Mort is... Mort.

"Hello, class," he mumbles. "Today, I thought we might read a story."

Vendetta looks up from her chair. She is reading a magazine. "Isn't it time for recess?" she responds. It's more of a statement than a question.

"Yes, of course," he responds, not even blinking. Ah, what it would be like to be young and capable of frightening people, he thinks to himself as she shuffles out of the room.

Charlotte follows her. The rest of the children sit in their chairs, staring at the door.

Mr. Milk sighs. "You can leave now, class," he explains. "It's time for recess."

Marion looks at him slowly. All of the other students follow her gaze.

He glances back and forth, wondering if he did something wrong. Maybe something is on his face? Like a fiend? His eyes drift towards the red bird glaring at him. Well, that's one fiend accounted for.

"It's Valentine's Day tomorrow," all of the students say at once.

"Why yes, I suppose it is," he says. What do they expect? A day that doesn't end in gruesome injuries? As if answering him, a fiend walks by him. It's carrying a briefcase and looks like it hasn't slept in days. "Goodbye," he says instinctively, and it answers with an uninterested grunt.

Charlotte walks back into the room. Her grin is gone for the briefest of moments, but she quickly composes herself. "Vendetta's taking a Valentine's vacation," she explains.

Mr. Milk jumps away, his hairs standing up on his head. "What?"

"She says that we are very stupid and that she is taking a break so that she can work on the best present ever!" She jumps up and down, excited at the very idea.

Marvin jumps out of his seat and starts heading towards the door. "My freedom!" he wails, tossing his arms in the air and breaking out in what is best described as overjoyed skipping.

"Well, class..." Mr. Milk watches the boy leave. "I think today we're going to... go mess with some construction paper and glue, really."

* * *

"Hey, Maggie," the boy says. "Can I look?"

She looks up, tired and disinterested. "Whatever, Marvin," she says, gluing another star onto the card.

He looks down at her card. It is blue and gray. "I think they're supposed to be more... pink," he remarks, holding up his red and white card.

Mr. Milk looks up from where he is carefully putting glitter on paper stars for Malachi. He quickly reaches over, snatching the scissors from Maggie and scolding her. "We do not use safety scissors for injuring people."

Charlotte stands up and holds up her card. "It's green, just like Vendetta! And it's got blue hearts on it, just like me! It's about how we're best friends! Yay!"

"Very interesting," Mr. Milk says, smiling faintly. "Put it over there," he says, gesturing to a stack of cards.

She walks over and puts it on top of the other ten cards she made for Vendetta.

"Does anyone have a blue marker?" Malachi asks. "O! My accent slippeth." Maggie tosses the marker at him in response. He briefly flinches, but quickly goes back to writing his card.

Mort's card is made of photos he took of paintings of dragons. He has cut them up and glued them together to form Frankenstein's dragons.

"Your valentine is very pretty, Malachi," Marion comments. He grins awkwardly. It is a completely random section of Shakespeare lined with some glittery paper stars.

Marvin looks over at Marion. "I like yours, too. I like the way the moles give a festive touch to the map of Canada." She slaps him. "My cheek!" he yelps.

Eventually, all good things come to an end, but not without children gnawing on the teacher's legs in open defiance.

* * *

Mr. Milk looks at his watch. It is very late. He knocks on the door hesitantly.

"I'll be right there," a voice calls out. He looks down at the valentine card and considers his escape routes. It is very risky to try to go to his car. On the other hand, it would be bad to leave his car alone. Perhaps he will run to the park, hide behind a tree, and then go to his car.

The door opens. He suddenly realizes that he forgot to drop the card and run.

Ms. Minty looks up. "Ah, Mr. Milk," she comments, pleasantly surprised. "Come on in."

He stares at her. "Okay," he mutters, stumbling into the house and blocking the card with his hand.

They exchange a small conversation about the weather. He considers jumping out the window. She looks at his hands several times.  
"What are you holding?" she asks curiously.

"Uh..." Mr. Milk stutters out a couple of different responses. "Here," he yelps, shoving the card into her hands. His face feels like it's on fire. Instinctively, he checks to make sure there are no flamethrower fiends.

The woman stares at the card with an unreadable expression. She looks up and smiles. "Thank you, Mr. Milk. This is very sweet."

"Um," he replies, grabbing his tie. "I'm going to... go..." He heads towards the door and feels a hand on his shoulder.

She turns him around and kisses him delicately. He feels very strange. "Come back soon, sweetie," she says, and he nods dazedly as he walks into the screen door and passes out.

* * *

"Hello, stupid children," Vendetta calls out. "I am back from my very special vacation. I have a present!"

Mr. Milk buries his head in his hands. Marion and Marvin throw themselves under their desks. Malachi looks nauseous. Charlotte grins.

She pulls in a large box. "This is my present." As she opens it, a very large fiend with powerful jaws tumbles out. "It will try to chew off all of your legs, and I will be very happy."

It did, and she was.


End file.
